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I Fuck Nuns

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[07 Jul 2005|02:55pm]
I'm at Daniel's house right now, we've been hanging out every day all day for the past two weeks, and I'm amazed we haven't slaughtered eachother yet. But then again we've come pretty close. So I finally completed rehab (yay!) and knowing me it's no surprise I was an idiot and smoked weed with friends right when I got out, so now I'm in a bit of a dillema with my probation. As far as I know I have a drug test coming up on Tuesday and I'm halfway screwed if this $35 detox shit doesn't work. I'm going to be extremely pissed if it doesn't, because sadly it's not often that I get any money, not to mention I'll go back to my lovely cell in juvi. :) Home sweet home.

Anyone know a quick way to get weed out of your system to save me?

I also decided I may as well drink as much as I want considering I already have weed in my system, so AA kind of went out the window too. Screw it. Oh, and I broke things off with Tim and me because he was just too needy. It's probably for the better though since he's going to Germany anyways, and I did a lot of things to betray him.

Daniel's being a dick now because he's mad I'm flirting with another guy, so I have to go before he loses his temper.

Oops, looks like I've been a naughty little girl. O:)
10 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

It works if you twerk it [04 Jun 2005|11:45pm]
I love AA. If you would have told me I'd make that statement even just about three weeks ago I'd probably call you crazy, but it's true. I met a girl there that I adore named Claire- she's 18 and she's been sober for two years now. She was at the first meeting I went to and she was the first one who welcomed me to AA, and the one I spent an hour talking to after the meetings. She was at the same rehab and had the same probation officer I currently have, so I have this feeling that we were meant to meet eachother because we have so much in common that we can relate to.

Anyways, I'm ready to start going to meetings regularly with Claire, and admitt to the fact that I'm an alcoholic. I'm also ready to get a sponser and start working the 12 steps out AA. Basically I'm just ready for a change. I really want to change my life around.

Old Me
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I think I'm going to look at this hideous picture every time I'm struggling to stay sober to look at how unhappy and hateful I used to not only look but be, and just how self absorbed I've been for the past couple years. One of the ways to staying sober is just remembering all the bad times you had when you were using instead of have a distorted view about what's fun.
3 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

Rehab is for quitters!!! [03 Jun 2005|01:54am]
[ mood | drunk ]

It's been awhile. I don't even know why I bother to update anymore, but nevertheless it's something mildy constructive to do since it helps me let out my feelings. Unfortunately I can't entertain you with funny stories or happy things going on in my life, but it would be nice to be able to do that.

Basically I'm attempting to get my life back together... well, not really me but I'm being forced to because all the shit that went down about a month ago. To make a long story short my mom pressed charges against me and I went to court. I ended up getting locked up in jail for a few weeks, and now I'm finally out! (thank God) and as a consequence I'm on probation and I have to go to rehab four hours a day plus three AA or NA meetings a week. It's a pain in the ass, and it's been really tough to accept but you gotta do what you gotta do, and in my case it's the only alternative to being put in DYS (the youth prison) or a residential facility. Now that I'm in rehab it still doesn't seem like much has changed. I keep trying to make myself believe that I can control my use, but it turns out I'm powerless. Like tonight, which is probably one of the reasons I'm writing in this journal is because I drank again- it's not the first time time I've gotten wasted in rehab, and I can't seem to control myself. Whenever I have insomnia or depression the first thing I turn to is alcohol, and that's the last thing I need to be doing while in rehab. I can't help myself unless I start opening up to the people who want to help me.

Aside from that I just heard from my friend Daniel that he's supposidely in "love" with me which is kind of disturbing. He's the one I used to sneak out with in the middle of the night... I've never had anyone genuinly say that to me, so it's kind of shocking. I don't know what to think right now. Maybe when I'm sober and have a clear head I'll be able to think rationally.

Well, I'm too lazy to finish up with a conclusion. Hope all is well, and despite my failure to update I do miss LJ, but I really have no choice on when to update since I don't have the internet at home. It really helps me contemplate on my life in more of an emotional way. Hope to hear from you guys. :)



Famous quotes from the douschebag at rehab.


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*Edit* Oh and Jessica my supposed "best friend" told Tim (my boyfriend) that I slept with Daniel! I was in complete shock about that, and I still can't figure out why she would make something like that up. I know she lies sometimes, but that's just really fucking twisted. That shit is unforgivable, so I guess we're over with too. It sucks when the people you trust betray you.

4 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

Say it Enough and the Meaning's Lost. [24 Sep 2004|03:22pm]
Poll #355559 Just Another Gay Poll...

Which offensive slang term do you use?

Be honest please...

Fucking Nigger

Fucking Spick

Fucking Kike

Fucking Fag...

If you're going to say one of these, you may as well say them all.
31 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

What We've Lost... [22 Sep 2004|01:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Since some are confused, I wrote this:

Maybe this world isn't as lonely as it seems;

like it or not we're all connected in some way.

Through your bitter words I hear my own suffering echoed.

Our hate is fear in disguise.

Strange as it is,

we often become our worst nightmare.

27 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

Ahh, so cute. [14 Sep 2004|10:46pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

Aww, this picture makes me melt inside! It's so sweet. Boys kissing makes me all mushy inside. <333

49 Homicides Blow Your Brains Out

[17 Aug 2004|11:27am]

By: Pyrobaka06

Blow Your Brains Out

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